Aj Tibi

Tegnap úgy megharagudtam Tibire! De igazán! Végre felhívott, miután szinte egész héten nem történt semmi, és közölte, hogy "lenne még egy énekes". Ezt mégis hogy képzelte? Eddig valahogy nem szólt róla, hogy ketten leszünk! Tegyük hozzá, ha mindjárt ezzel kezdte volna, bele se megyek, hogy egyáltalán találkozzunk, meg se hallgattam volna a zenéjét!

Sikerül benne olyan erős lelkifurdalást keltenem, hogy "mostantól ketten döntünk el mindent". Meglobogtattam az orra előtt azt a tényt, hogy annyira komolyan gondolom (ez, Salman Rushdie után szabadon, az ő leitmotivja) az egészet, hogy már mikrofont is vettem. És nem azért vettem, hogy osztozzak a "jogar" "hatalmán" (erről már írtam).

Én azért akartam magam mögé egy zenekart, mert bármilyen kórusban voltam is eddig, sose hagytak szólózni. Mert a Zsuzsa néni is mindig egy másik (vele rokonságban lévő, bamba, szöszke) lánykát választott Szűz Máriának. Mert mindig "jó" voltam, de sose "legjobb", sose "szólista", sose "kiemelkedő". Azt hittem, most végre szabadon dagonyázhatok egy kicsit a saját hangomban, és aki csak hall minket, az engem fog hallani, és engem fog nézni mindenki...

Ehhez képest ha ketten leszünk, és híresek leszünk, én leszek "az X zenekar egyik énekese", rosszabb esetben "vokalistája", mert ha a másik lány (még ez is! még ha fiú lenne! de így esélyem sincs!!) szebb, nagyobb mellű, tapasztaltabb, jobb hangú, feltűnőbb, akkor erőlködhetek akárhogy, úgyis háttérbe szorulok. Én nem akarok versenyezni, azt akarom, hogy végre egyszer az életben ne legyen verseny.

Carlos persze mellettem volt, ha csak akkor mondta is, amikor ketten maradtunk. Jóanyám ezzel szemben mindjárt Tibi véleményét tette magáévá: "nem tudod elképzelni, hogy ketten együtt jobban tudnátok énekelni?" Nem, nem tudom elképzelni, mert nem akarom elképzelni! És önző álláspont, de még ha jobban hangzana, akkor is egyedül szeretnék előadni!

Végül arra jutottam, hogy megkérem Tibit: az első pár alkalommal hadd énekeljek egyedül, még mindig elhívhatjuk a második lányt, ha úgy döntünk. És persze közben megdolgoznám, hogy egyedül is jó vagyok, és hátha közben a másik csaj elkötelezi magát valahova! Tibi amúgy tisztességes ember, túlságosan tisztességes ehhez a szakmához, meg hozzám képest is: biztos a vidéki nevelés hatása.

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